While most of us prefer to focus on all that is merry & bright at Christmastime, for those who are grieving, the loss of a loved one can most certainly steal the cheer out of “the most wonderful time of the year.” Here are a few ideas for new Christmas traditions in loving memory to honor those we’ve lost and ideas for coping with loss at Christmas.
First and foremost, we want to acknowledge that grief can look and feel different for each person. Some may channel their grief into hanging on to cherished traditions as they allow one to feel more near to their loved one. For others, the pain of loss may be too deep, requiring one to skip or exchange some of those holiday traditions for new ones.
There’s no “right” way to grieve. Our goal is that where ever you find yourself in the stages of grief, that one of these ideas will help to bring you comfort this Christmas season. Furthermore, it is our hope that you will allow yourself to feel what you need to feel in a healthy way and timeframe.
At The Table
Memorial Snowflake Ornament Centerpiece
The first Christmas without my Brother-In-Law, I really wanted to do something to honor him and commemorate his heaven-homegoing. I hadn’t really consciously thought about just how I could do that. But on Christmas Eve morning, I went outside and snipped a pine branch. Suspending it over our dinner table, I hung a singular snowflake ornament with his name.
Some may opt to set an extra place setting in memory of a loved one. But the thought of seeing an empty chair seemed too heavy to me. Hanging a snowflake above the table was my way of offering the heaviness of our loss to the Lord. It served as a visual reminder to set our eyes “heavenward” on the hope of Jesus and the promise of Isaiah 61:3,
“… To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness …”
In thinking on it in more detail at a later time, I had a realization:
A snowflake ornament in a tablescape truly is the perfect symbolism for remembering your loved one at Christmas. Though fragile and fleeting, every snowflake is unique — bestowing its beauty on the world in an indelible way. Just like the gift of the life we have been honored to love.
For this reason, the uniquely, German-stitched snowflake ornaments are another great choice for honoring loved ones who have passed!
Holiday Menu
Whether it was the tradition of time spent together in the kitchen making a family recipe that was passed down through the generations, or just a dish your loved one could never have enough of — keeping these favorites on your holiday menu is another way to continue to hold those dear memories near.
Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, despite the buffet of desserts, I would bake my Aunt her favorite Limoncello cake so that she could take it home with her. Without fail, she would always slice and freeze the cake. Her unexpected text messages when she was enjoying the cake always filled my heart with joy.
After she passed, I found myself feeling the need to make her cake … but this time, for me.
If making those recipes feels too difficult, consider trying a new one.1 With over 400 recipes in each edition ranging from appetizers and desserts to tasty sides, main dishes and more, Bronner’s staff cookbooks feature a collection of Flavorful Favorites that is sure to be a great resource for new ideas.
Decorating In Memoriam
Jewel Box Ornament Holds Mementos In Loving Memory
The unique style of jewel box ornaments make them a perfect way to hold a number of small, treasured keepsakes or mementos.
Taking a cue from the name, this beautiful champagne-colored jewelry box ornament (1263123) can be fitted with a small piece of recycled Styrofoam™ and fabric, for instance, to display a wedding ring or other piece of jewelry that belonged to your late, loved one.
Featured: Champagne Jewelry Box Glass Ornament (1263123)
Alternatively, these jewel box ornaments can also hold scraps of paper with hand-written notes from your loved ones.
Featured: Red Heart Box Glass Ornament (1205539) – NO LONGER AVAILABLE
Certainly a jewel box keepsake can be displayed on your Christmas tree during the holiday season. But what’s more, an ornament stand allows you to enjoy them all year long.
Lost Treasures Find A New Home
While cleaning out my relative’s home, my Mom found the personalized silver bells ornament from Bronner’s that she had bought for them to mark their wedding day! A flood of memories of that special time come to mind. This Christmas, their wedding bells ornament will be on my Christmas tree!
Perhaps your loved ones enjoyed collecting something:
- Fontanini Nativity
- Department 56 Villages
- Nutcrackers
- Santa Figures
- Christmas Dishware
- Ornaments from a particular brand or maker —like Christopher Radko or DeCarlini, for instance.
Consider adopting the collection or saving just a few of your favorite pieces and giving them a new home for the holidays!
Featured: Personalized Double Silver Bells Glass Ornament (1007-SI)
Ever-Loved, Evergreen Memorial
All items featured are listed at the end of this post.
A picture-perfect idea is decorating evergreens with picture frame ornaments:
Create a family memorial tree with ornaments of all your loved ones. Or a festive tribute with frames filled by merry memories of a life passed.
Featured: Mantleclips® (1133402) secure more than stockings!
All items featured are listed at the end of this post.
My Memorial Tree, In Loving Memory
To be honest, my heart wasn’t fully into going all out with our decorations this year. But I found the drive in writing this post to at least pull out my favorite Artificial Tree.
I kept it minimal by decorating very simply with Bronner’s units for the tree, DIY orange slice garland, flickering-flame candle lights*, and a few religious ornaments along with photos of some of my loved ones in frames I had found in their estate.
*Though I had turned my unlit tree into a “prelit” a few years ago by wiring LED lights using Tip #6 from our 20 Tips & Tricks To Help You Through The Holidays, I found that I preferred leaving them off this season. The LED lights are most certainly beautiful and brilliant. There is no denying that! But in this season of sitting with my grief, I found the realistic flickering flame and soft, warm ambient glow of simple candle lights (no longer available) give me the great comfort and moments of peace I desperately needed … Like a return to days gone-by — of a simpler time.
It was a “First Christmas” (in his new home, with us) for this irresistible, little, senior citizen in the wake of loss of his “hoomans.”
Decorating Themes In Memorium
While I didn’t go all out this Christmas, it doesn’t mean my tree will stay the same …
Cardinals and angels are most certainly popular decorating themes to accompany the idea of frame ornaments. And as mentioned above, snowflakes are a meaningful choice, too.
Alternatively, you can incorporate a color scheme, whether it be one that was that person’s favorite color or a symbolic color tied to a cause connected with them. What’s more, you can use patches of clothing, too! Turn swatches of clothing into meaningful ornaments, or create a beautiful bereavement tree skirt from a patchwork of your loved one’s wardrobe.
Some people opt to leave these beautiful, heart-felt displays up all year round.
All items featured are listed at the end of this post.
Healthy Holiday Wishes
A friend of mine once shared of her own experience with grief what, I feel, is the best description … “Grief is like an amputation. You’ll be OK but you will never be the same.” The loss of a loved one may feel like losing a part of yourself.
In my most painful loss I was comforted by the Holy Spirit when He showed me that the pain of grief we wish not to feel is the worthy cost of loving. We feel loss so deeply because we LOVED so deeply! Scripture tells us that even God’s heart has been grieved and so this pain allows us the opportunity to know the heart of our Comforter even more intimately when we lay it at His feet — even if we must lay there for a time also.
Tips For Coping At Christmas
We feel loss so deeply because we LOVED so deeply!
Here are a few key takeaways we hope will help you experience a healthy and healing holiday season, even amidst the pain of loss:
- ACCEPTANCE — Understand that life (and the holidays) will look different in the absence of a loved one. The first healthy step we can take is to accept and embrace our own personal feelings about our loss.
- GRACE — Give yourself, and loved ones who may be grieving differently, grace.
Some may need to talk about loved ones or carry on Christmas traditions, while other’s may feel the need for distancing themselves in order for wounds to heal. Understanding your needs, and those of loved ones, will help you to foster healthy holiday plans and understanding in close relations with others grieving also. - BALANCE — Allow yourself those moments to feel what you need to feel without shame and being careful not to become anchored in a debilitating grief. Grief is your experience, not your identity! Peace and pain can coexist. It’s also the sacred place where we can feel God’s Holy presence comforting us.
- SUPPORT — There is not a single person on the face of the earth who has not been (or will not be) touched by loss at some point. If you are struggling this Christmas season, you don’t have to go it alone. Find a support group, trusted family member, friend, or therapist/counselor to walk the road with you as you discover your new normal.
We Wish You A Comforting Christmas!
Items Featured In This Post
- Bronner’s Exclusive Memorial Cardinal Ornament (1200407)
- Lace Stitch Ornaments
- Bronner’s Flavorful Favorites Cookbooks
- Champagne-Colored Jewelry Box Ornament (1263123)
- Personalized Double Silver Bells Glass Ornament (1007-SI)
- Burgundy Tree Skirt With Gatsby Silver Sequined Trim (1231107)
- Hold You In My Heart Memorial Heart Wings Frame Ornament (1243715)
- Always In Our Hearts Pewter Angel Frame Ornament (1165228) — Made In The USA
- Forever In Our Hearts Pewter Frame Ornament (1213073) — Made In The USA
- Wings Were Ready Memorial Frame Ornament (1220536)
- In Loving Memory Memorial Frame Ornament (1160020)
- Always With You Cardinal Ornament (1242938) — Out of Stock
- Passing Angel Memorial Ornament (1242639)
- Memory Angel Metal Ornament (1246712)
- Angel Heart Wings With Charm Metal Ornament (1245248)
- Heart Gifts® Memorial Holly Glass Ornament (1211115)
- LED Ivory Angel Lamp (1259069)
- Mantleclips® (1133402)
- 6′ Twig Iced Garland (1232265)
- 6′ Canton Pine Artificial Garland (1232464)
Author Holly Noel Haynes shares her own story of grief and hope at Christmas in a post titled “The Thrill Of Hope“.
Sources:
- Letter from Beaumont Hospice, “Coping With The Holidays”
I really appreciated the point about how grief can look so different for each person. It’s important to give yourself the space to feel what you need, especially around the holidays when everything can feel overwhelming.